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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?